threesome

despite the protest

of my conscious

i've decided  to

surrender to temptation

give in

consummate this love affair...

everyone tells me

my lover is 

beautiful, witty, endearing

our chemistry is palpable

it's as if

i acknowledge this

stellar dynamic

there will be no return

to my

carefully orchestrated complacency

a daring step

for a dame like me

to hell with convention

i am surrendering to this

menage a trois 

with

me, myself, and i

pulsating honey pot

to say that

she 'felt alive again'

would be

an understatement

it's as if

there are arms on

the inside,

reaching heavenward

through her thighs, 

with silent 'hallelujahs'

at their fingertips

beehives in her breasts

buzzing with a nectar

no tongue had ever tasted

and

in the middle of her forest

birds chirped

in blissful tones....

as if they had just

heard their melodies

for the very first time

it was a modern miracle, 

an unobtainable tale 

for non-believers,

a willing resurrection

where

there had never been death

sleepless

flashing lights

through broken blinds
her head 
under old sheets - 
contemplating
incomprehensible things 
such as
light years, galaxies, dinosaurs
words, desire, and god

she felt like 
a character in an
old bukowski poem

you know the type
- the girl in a cheap hotel 
after days of stale pizza
and
great sex
leaving a whiskey ring
on the gideon bible
for someone less fortunate
to clean

childhood
had taught her
to not be at ease
with this side of herself
his overwrought messages
about her soft undertones
had soiled
a soulful song
with stale seediness

conviction's caress

last night it recurred

the potential of 

this pain passing

you were there

at 3 a.m.
somewhere between my
cognizant cares and dreamy deliriums 

wearing warmly toned

prison orange

with a roughly honed  silence

sitting upon

an old and creaky pedestal

baring a placid peace 

from your private purging

i was far away

with this tattered, 

pale gown -

openly exposing

the messiness of my physical being

placating 

the purgatory of placidity

but somehow,

as things always were,

our rough imbalance

soothed me back to sleep -

a prison like cell

that freed

the bedridden parts

of my solidarity

water whispers

after heavy days

and

revolting sleeps

a wind has 

deliriously blown

my head of ugly hair

above 

those blood filled scrapes

of raw skin

and bewildering thoughts

i know

i will swim again

beneath the blue skies

despite 

the distant shore

and the loss

of my life's raft

'let down your glare'

my tale began simply enough

straight pines

margins wide, endless words

pages perfect for

bending, underlining, reexamining 

but

after a few

careless readers

'tenderness' turned into 'tattered'

and

the construction of

my tower began

brick by brick

mortared carefully

with

 apathy, indifference

able to shelter against

the most 

debilitating debonairness

or 

weltering, winsome wiles

when i imagined 

my fairy tale future

rapunzel

was not what 

i had in mind

  

madness

i decided this morning
to spend a little extra time
and see if they'd come back

we have a temperamental relationship, 
words and i
- it worked

my coffee was "luxuriant",
i'm certain sunrise
left god "breathless"...
the silent recollections
of your caress
caused prolific "cachinnating"

it seems we 
waltzed again
gracefully
in this field of knowing

if a dab of sandalwood
and hints of turquoise
did this for my linguistics

then darling,
i am sending you
crates

why, eh?

i rode home today

against the wyeth like landscape

and wondered

which i had been

to you

helga or betsy?

i identified with helga. 

her braids

and 

your rash ideals

about watercolor behavior

but, too,

the gristmill resolve

of betsy

realizing that often

silence is the most 

aggressive tone 

tempestuous seizings

they say

i cry in

delirious screams,

crush my tongue 

in repulsive rips

that life,

after these blows

urges

a sordid sea 

of staggering storms

but,

i see that

the enormous moon

rises above

cloud filled skies

and 

the windy water

whispers music

to the skin

of sailing ships

therefore,

i vow to this sea,

we will travel,

against the turbulence

and arrive

at our destination.